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Aug. 5th, 2007

02:39 pm - Black Nationalist

Black Nationalist

na•tion•al•ist
Spelled Pronunciation[nash-uh-nl-ist, nash-nuh-list]
Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation

–noun
1. a person devoted to nationalism.
2. (initial capital letter) a member of a political group advocating or fighting for national independence, a strong national government, etc.
–adjective
3. Also, na•tion•al•is•tic. of, pertaining to, or promoting nationalism: the beginnings of a nationalist movement.
4. (initial capital letter) of, pertaining to, or noting a political group advocating or fighting for national independence, a strong national government, etc.


August 2005 I was banned, well not banned, ‘cause I could attend, if I wanted to, but not allowed to compete in, so...like...put on probation from returning to the National Poetry Slam competition (PSI) for two years, after (we’ll make a long story short) speaking my mind. Interesting that I was “banned” from a place, an organization, participating in a ritual of poetry, song and sharing that supposedly encourages free thinking. Such as life. That was two years ago. Myself along with several others were put on probation for different levels of involvement and different times and severities. I was given the harshest punishment....

Of course, my love for the sport never changed so when I moved to Atlanta I continued to bring slam to the urban scene by co-founding Twisted Tongue with Tommy Bottoms.

We fast forward to August 2006. A year ago, I returned to my “home slam team” (for those readers who have no idea what slam is on a national, or any level...real long story short); Slam Started in the early 1980s by a man in Chicago named Marc Smith –yell “So What!?!” here-he thought poetry was too cerebral and wanted to bring poetry back to the people so people could understand and go back to enjoying it. He invented the actual sport called ‘Slam’. He owns the word ‘Slam’ like owning NFL or NHL or NBA. We casually use the word Slam to mean “poetry reading” sometimes when people are unfamiliar with it’s history and true purpose. So from now on know that Slam means competition not ‘reading’ or open mic. He started putting teams of poets together and having teams compete for a national title. I believe, and I’m not sure, you can reference psi.org for the history, the first National Poetry Slam had 4 teams from close proximity to Chicago. Today it has grown to over 70+ teams from around the world. My first slam team was the DC/B’More team in 2002, then the Norfolk team 2004, then Charlotte, NC from 2005 to today. 2005 being the wheels that spun a lot of my thinking about poetry, slams, people, and poets into what it is today...another blog. Don’t get me wrong, its’ not all bad, actually, it has changed my mind, for the better about a lot of things. Hence my new approach to life since then. Anyway....

August 2006, the slam season, for any team, usually starts around August/Sept and lasts until about April/May. Since I knew my ‘ban’ was going to be lifted for the August 2007 Nationals (Nationals is in a different city every 2nd weekend in August where the 70+ teams gather to compete for the National title. In August 2005 we, Charlotte, NC got 1st...eh, 2nd...whatever...) I started slamming again. Brushed off old poems, exercised new ones, won a few, placed in the top 3 in a few and earned enough points for the Charlotte finals this past April.

The top 5 poets from whatever city’s finals make up the competing team for the summer. From May-August there are several regional team slam competitions that teams from all over the country attend. The one for our region, the SE region of the country is called Southern Fried. This year it was held in Columbia, SC. Whatever team I was/am on since 2002,that has attended SF has gotten on finals stage. In the regional and national competition, no matter how many teams start off the competition it comes down to the final 4, yup, like Basketball.

This year, the Charlotte, NC team is made up of Bluz, Carlos, Mike Simms, Tavis Bunsen, and myself. Unfortunately, Tavis, encountered some serious health issues within the last week and could not come with us to Austin, TX this year. Never “in his place” but taking the vacant slot on the team is Paul D, from Atlanta after his “win” at our last chance slam this past Thursday in Charlotte. Talk about by the skin of his teeth.

I did not go with the team last year to Austin, even for support. I couldn’t, well, I wasn’t ready. Taking the fall for a movement that seemed so prevalent then, while others sat back and tossed boulders and laughed was something I wasn’t prepared to deal with just yet. I just got acclimated to the move to Atlanta, was starting to make moves and had just accepted my writing sabbatical might last a little longer than I planned.

After 7 months of slamming, in March I win the qualifier for the women’s slam in Charlotte. That slam will take place in Chicago next March, after blowing off the Grand Slam Champion win (on purpose for the sake of fun) at the Charlotte finals, and taking 2nd place on the team (Carlos won...I let him ;-) ) after a summer of endless practices, trekking up to Charlotte in the middle of every week to get with team, after loosing a teammate to an almost fatal illness, helping to piece the team back together emotionally, dealing with the real rookie of the team and his over anxious, behavior (of course I have patience, I see me...you know the whole saying...) I believe, now, like I believed when I first joined the Charlotte team and vowed my loyalty to them (under certain stipulations with management) that we have the best combination, including Tavis’ well wishes and spirit with us, possible.

We flew into Austin, TX yesterday, where the NPS will be held this year and drove to Dallas for an invitational slam tonight. We were all whipped from staying up the night before to catch a 6am flight and then drive, what should have been 3 that turned into a 4.5 hour trip to Dallas. We checked in to our hotel and damn near fell out. Mike went out with an old friend and runs into one of the Denver teams, I cut my hair, polish my nails and ...you guessed it!... watched Law and Order until I fell out! Mike comes stumbling in at ...who knows...what hour blabbing about what a great time he had at this open mic he found...

Early to bed means early to rise, I wake up about 730am today and hit the food. We hadn’t eaten since our disaster lunch experience at a Papadoux’s here in Dallas. Go figures, I was so excited about Sea Food in Texas and then the service was not only terrible but confusing. The waiter was so emotional he damn near wanted a hug...it was wild...

Today is an invitational slam for 15 specific teams that were invited by the Dallas slam community to “see” what nationals is in for. They have this every year and invite who they think are the ‘threats’ of Nationals. This is our first year being invited. We’re stoked. Nationals starts on Tuesday (wish us luck!) back in Austin. We’ll pack up and drive tomorrow morning, while sobering up.

If you can imagine what a NPS is like, imagine over 500+ poets from around the world plus another 100 staff and volunteers, competing for a week, partying and kicking it and networking, in our own way. It *is* the best way to find out what’s going on in the country on the poetry scene.

Am I anxious about Nationals? Seeing all those people again after the infamous two year ban? Naw...remember, you don’t die with regrets...you live with them. Always do what you want to. “...live for the moment, because there might not be ...another one...”

Anyway, we changed hotels this morning to the host hotel for our invitational slam tonight, eat, swim, practice and win. What a great way to start off the week! [keep in mind this is written at 2:10pm and the slam starts at 7pm ;-) ]

Check back, daily for the juicy gossip, updates and scores from Nationals this week!

See you at the damn album release party!

-Bethsheba

Current Location: Hotel lobby free internet!

Current Mood: Curious!

Current Music: Amir Sulaiman...Change gonna come...

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Jul. 16th, 2007

Jun. 25th, 2007

Jun. 4th, 2007

06:40 pm - What is your Addiction?

Ok, I'm up for air now...I have shot two music videos, a photo shoot, and have been working deligently on my album all while getting fired from a job I was working at for free for needing too many days off for poetry! hahaha..



The famous line of "How do you get fired on your day off?" can apply only to those that have something, clearly, more important to do, like follow your dreams. I picked up, as I have been every Summer since I moved to Atlanta, a part time job. The loyal readers will remember my stint at MetroPCS when I told the owner of the store to kiss my ass when he told me I had to fucking vacuum? Then last summer when I worked at the Home Depot corporate office and damn didn't leave at the end of the summer because the work was minimal and I was getting the equivalent to $45k a year for …nothing! Ahahha, when they hired the red-afro-black-fist-pumping chick in a skirt for the supervisor position? Ahhsh…this summer,…well, worse than a kid in a candy store, more like a crack-head in a crack-house, Platos Closet, my shortest "summer job" yet. Clearly because the summer hasn't even really started and I'm already fired! Hahaha…



For those that don't know what Platos Closet is, it is a clothing store ('nuf said right?) that buys-sells- and trades GENTLY used clothing that is trendy and in style NOW. The reason I emphasize this, is because I had to learn that Plato's is NOT thrift store! Hahaha…myself and other unknowing victims would come in there and dump out all the shit in our closets that we didn't want any more, with holes, stains, smells (ok, not me…but some people would bring in shit that straight smell like…shit!!) and that is not what Plato's does…thank God for me!



We, welll…they…take clothes that you have worn ONCE OR TWICE and is still in EXCELLENT shape and will buy them from you at a % of what they are going to sell it for. Great concept because I got: a Louis bag, Adrian what's her face, a couple of other dope bags, BCBG shoes (remember this is Atlanta) lots of Polo, Hollister, Arden B, and Express Ts and tanks, and Karen…what is her name…and Betsy Johnson skirt. Now, you already knoooow!! That I love clothes! Woo hoo! The thing about getting dressed is that you can wear name brands, just don't pay name brand prices! I feel great out in my "new" Express hot pink dress for $10!! Are you kidding! You can't tell me shit in my new gold sandals for $8! Whaaat?? You are buggin!



So, Kim, the co-owner of the Sanctuary, Malik's better half, and I were talking about addictions and I was telling her that I have a shopping addiction. Now, it doesn't have to be for clothes and shoes/accessories. It can be for: paint, baby bottles, carpet, cars, car parts!, wood, appliances, and it doesn't have to be for me. It can be for you, yo' mama, your sister, it is something about the combination of: OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder-which I learned I have also, and looking back over the years can clearly see it but before all these clinical terms was called "Being Organized" haha) the Rollling Stone disease and being a rock-star-artist, the transaction of goods for currency is a high for me. Why? I don't know.



The OCD thing is because I like things nice and neat and in order and aligned at all times, from the house, to the car to relationships. That is why when relationships go aria it throws me all off balance. I am a 'fixer' I like to "fix" things, people, whatever. That would imply there is something wrong with either them or me, and of course me being a Leo, it's NEVER me! ;-) So, the OCD contributes to my shopping addiction because everything has to be new, and fresh, and shiny. How OCD starts is, (and clinical studies shows that everyone has some level of OCD) on a scale of 1-10 I'm an 8.5. This means that everything has it's place, but it doesn't have to be exactly lined up corner to corner. It can be in a pile as long as the pile is neat and all the colors match, like laundry for example. How OCD is manifested is by a loss, a major loss. The loss is 9/10 times extremely personal and close to the person that is acquiring OCD. Me, for example, I lost both my parents, then my second set of parents, then every "boyfriend" I got, I thought would last forever because that's what they do in the movies and what my 2nd set of parents did. They got together, fell in love, and stayed together.



So if the 8th grade boyfriend said he "loved" me, then I believed he meant, forever. The next day, when we broke up, I was devastated. So there was never a stable ground. The premise behind OCD is that if you make you/your life nice and neat and shiny and clean and "in order" these people or these things that "left" you, will return once they see how "together" you are. In most cases, the thing that set the OCD off in the first place never returns. It is usually a death or tragedy, like divorce.



Anyway, so Kim and I were talking about addiction, and most times when talking about shopping addiction, people will laugh it off and say "oh, isn't that cute" Well, if you listen to one poet, you've listened to the story (Not talent!!) of them all. And every single poet, INCLUDING MYSELF, has a poem or at least a reference to men/women making materialism their priorities. This comes from way more than OCD but I wouldn't discount it. I was telling her that a shopping addiction is just as bad as a drug addiction.



The same characters in our poems, are ourselves. When you start to sacrifice your priorities for materialism, we have fallen into the same "trap" we are preaching about. Don't limit "materialism" to just close and shoes, think, alcohol, going to the club, going out to eat instead of eating at home…all those things equate to a materialistic world and as poets we add a few more bracelets to our arms next to our $115 Lucky Brand dress that you had to sneak in the house in the closet next to your other 90 dresses and new shoes so your mate doesn't "notice" (ooooh…maybe that is me hahaha) Like they don't notice one week you have 40 pair of shoes by the end of the month you have 140??? People aren't that stupid J …we add a few more bracelets and some eccentric jewelry and we can justify the means to the end for "the cause".



Kim was the first one to really "get it". When you start sneaking around like a crack head for things we don't need, it has become an addiction.



Let me say this right now!!! I am NOT saying, don't look nice, don't go shopping and don't buy name brand clothes!! I live in a real world with real people under real influences. I AM saying, there are hundreds of underground artists and designers that make GOOD clothing and jewelry that charge just as much as the stores but aren't killing children to do it. THERE ARE name brand clothes you can get from places like Rag'O'Rama (Atlanta only) and Plato's Closet (country wide) This is 2007 and I have said it before in a blog and a million conversations, the day of the starving artist is over and NOT CUTE. It is not something we should glorify, but in the effort to support independent businesses (Plato's is a franchise and you can own one! –If you hire me, I'll promise to show up…occasionally ;-) ) we should search out those that are on their grind.



So buying 2nd hand is cool because you are not contributing to the vendor at all, just to the independently owned store. Ok, ok…my lucky brand dress was a treat…geeez….



Lets clean out our closets and look up a Plato's in your area, or if you are in Atlanta go to lil'-5 points to Rag'O'Rama and sell some of our GENTLY USED (no stains no tears and IN STYLE NOW) items back to these stores, clean out the items you haven't worn in months and are trying to loose weight to get back into! ;-( Don't pressure yourself, it is not you, it's the clothes! And lets get some late spring/early summer cleaning going! Take those bags to the stores, get a couple extra dollars back on those credit cards – the whole point of this is to take the money you get from your clothes to apply to our debts we acquired from our addictions, not to re-shop! And run!! Out of the stores!!



Cleaning out our closets is metaphorical too for cleaning up our lives! We'll be able to think more clearly and prioritize our lives!



Restrict yourself to shopping once a month as a treat, not every Saturday as a priority and we are on our way to recovery…the first step is:



Hi! My name is Bethsheba (Hi….Bethsheba) and I'm a shop-o-holic.



12 Steps to Shop-O-Holic recovery:

1- Admit you have a shopping addiction!

2- Clean out your closets! –Literally and figuratively. Get rid of the people in your lives that drive you to shopping!

3 Take things back to the store that have had tags on them for more than 3 months!

4 How many pair of black shoes/boots do you really need?: Limit your purchases to alternative colors!



I want to hear from you! Think of the rest of the steps to recovery! And we'll post them officially!



5

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8

9

10

11

12



The beginning...





-Bethsheba

Current Location: At the home office, gotta love it!

Current Mood: hungry

Current Music: Amy Winehart

(Leave a comment)

Mar. 21st, 2007

05:41 pm - Deflated

I am going to try and be brief and get a few blogs in, in one.

First, First. Thank you to everyone that has donated to my new Below the Radar project featuring my 5th album Domino Affect. I am raising $50k for this entire project, 3 music videos produced by Shiny Nickel Productions, a “self”-sponsored 3 country tour, the album, to include the guests, and all the promotional material that will come for two years after it is released.

If you’d like to join the hundreds (I’m not making this up, you’ll have to read the entire blog to see) that have already donated please send a PayPal to queensheba811@yahoo.com and/or go to my main page and Pre-Order Domino Affect there. Every dollar helps. I’ll explain more below.

The album features: Phillipia-ATL, Julie Dexter-England/ATL, Maestro, Fisiwe, Paul-D, Kelly Love Jones N.O.-ATL, Bon Ton from New York, by way of Memphis, TN, Malik Saalam-ATL and Tabi Bonney Washington, DC. With additional music produced by: Jason Kemp from Norfolk, now in ATL, (that I found by sending out a MySpace request for music so look out when someone, especially me, sends out a request for business, that is what I’m here for and his beat is PERFECT) and Nes-Lee (his album release party is this Sat 24th at Vynle) I have put a call into W. Ellington Felton’s manager, so we’ll see how that turns out. If you see/run into him, tell him to hollah at me. The album is being produced at the World Class Namaste Studios in Cumming, GA (ATL suburb) by Nick Chawahla (Who’s band is performing above Nes-Lee’s album release party this Sat-wild right?, at The Loft so you can catch them both) and his team. It is amazing, amazing, amazing so far and we just got started.

So, as you can see, this album is going to be no joke…I’d appreciate all of your donations. And yes, yes, I’m raising my own funds, writing grants, amateur night at the strip club…etc. J

Second-First, I had the quietest trip through Florida ever. Hahaha…inside joke…kinda. I was in Florida for a week about two weeks ago. I had been meaning to blog about this but since I was so busy promoting for Twisted Tongue Round II, I really hadn’t had time. The U of Miami brought me to Miami to perform on March 7th and I had a blast. Before getting to Miami, I stopped in Jacksonville, Fl and I want to say that I didn’t realize until that very night in Jax, how many supporters I had there. I was truly shocked. Really, I’m not being funny at all. I only perform in Jax once a year, for about the past 4 years, at most and not because I don’t want to do more but I really have love and respect for that venue and it is such a supportive place for artists, it is more about sharing the space and not hording it and showing up every 3 months or so, besides, I get to come back fresh and funny and with new poems and tattoos J and hair styles and have a funky good time.

So, specials Thank Yous to everyone that called in about my performance before I go there, those that drove a few hours to come out and see me and the rest of you that created a packed house for my annual visit! I was really trippin! Tiffany Duarte was like “Yeah, people were calling in all week about you being here” I was like “No way…” I mean, besides a few people that I actually know that live there, who were there, I was like ‘Who would remember…’ but hey, God only knows and give thanks for those that did remember and came back to have a good time. That was one of the best shows that week! For real, for real. I was in the bathroom and just being me normal friendly self, I commented on how the orange in this lady’s shirt really glowed on her and she and her friend turned to me and said “Hey…I barely recognized you (which tripped me out that they would recognize ‘me’ in the first place) with your Mohawk. Didn’t you blog about your Mohawk?” I was happily stunned. Can I say “happily stunned” Well, I just did.

I smiled my award winning smile and was like “Yeah, I get stopped about it like 400 times a day, which I love, no doubt, and my home-boi in Atlanta (Biggs @ The Barber Shop on the corner of I20 and Boulevard in the Chevron gas station plaza) cuts my hair and no one has been able to duplicate it yet. A guy in London, from Ghana, was the closest, but besides that, every other barber I have ran into looks puzzled and struggles with the concept.” They were like “Cool…have a good show…can’t wait to see you perform…” and bounced.

I was like…*sniff* awwwwwwwwww…that was so cool. Thanks to that extra push ladies, I had a kick ass time on stage! You get what you give! Give positive!

I really appreciate everyone in Jax that donated to my Below the Radar project. You guys are #2 in donations behind Gainesville. Don’t worry, a business owner donated a nice chunk of change so you guys are still #1 in “Personal” donations! As soon as I learn how to download the 3 months worth of pictures from my new digital camera, I have from London to Florida I will post them on MySpace.

Give thanks to Vintege Soul for always hooking me up with beautiful dresses.

The next night in Gainesville was also amazing. I arrived in the afternoon after a leisure night in the hotel and breakfast thanks to Nocturnal Escape! Tiff and Emanual you guys rock!, at about 1 in the afternoon. It was such a beautiful day that I even stopped on the side of the road at a fruit stand and bought some fresh fruit. I guess I forgot where I was, the were looking at me crazy. I was blasting somebody’s CD you could hear with the doors closed and jumped out and jumped back on the highway. I could feel them staring at me 5 miles down the road. I arrived at Kylie’s house and met up with Crystle with an “E” and a few other poets before my workshop at the bookstore by U of Florida.

When I walked in they immediately noticed I had lost weight. “Wow, what are you …not eating?” For someone that sees me every day in Atlanta, they don’t really notice. It just looks like I deflated a little. Lol…but I hadn’t seen them in almost a year and they noticed the 15-18 lb (depending on the day lolol…) drop. “Bullshit” I said, reaching for one of my plumbs I bought on the side of the road while offering them one at the same time.

The name of my latest workshop is “Bitch! I’m ‘bout my bidness” coincidently, also a name of one of my songs on the album. It discusses the plethora of ways to make money as an artist and how the whole ‘Starving Artist’ ideal should be a thing of the past. The workshop is centered on making good business decisions that include: planning for the future, 401ks, IRAs and making time for your families. The three hour workshop flew by.

We headed over to the venue to do a sound check. It’s actually nice when a venue gives a poet a sound check. The normal thought process is if the mic is on, it’s good enough for the poet, when that is not the case at all. Everyone speaks in different pitches, tones and volumes, so as I pointed out in the workshop earlier, demanding your necessities is important for an artist. Don’t be a bitch about it, be polite and you’ll get what you need. Use “Would you mind...? and Please and thank you…” and you’ll get a lot. I don’t use the word “demand” like hitting someone over the head, but like-This is what I need…please.

TAB-I just got an email from a poet that I don’t even know, never heard perform before, who happens to know that I host a venue in Atlanta and all the email said was “What…you ain’t fuckin’ with me or what? Call me!...### ### ####” Yeah. Guess what I did. You got it! Delete.
UNTAB
(I learned this TAB thing from Myda and it is has been pretty useful. It is when you want to insert a point in a conversation that may or may not fit with the flow, you have to unTAB though or you’ll leave the listeners/readers thinking you are still in the TAB…lol…it is fun really…lol)

Anyway, that venue in Gainesville, much like Sugar Hill, was skeptical that a poetry night would “go over well”. This was a Sunday and not much was going on in that venue in Gainesville anyway but Sugar Hill was on a Saturday and they, admit-tingly had their reservations but both venues, were asking when the next poetry night was after the night was over. I love, that hundreds of people come out, on purpose, for a poetry show. Amazing. I love it.

I took the supposed 6 hour drive to Miami the next morning, after a wonderful and much needed one-hour-full body message and breakfast. For some reason, going 100 on the FL Turnpike was going too slow. I got to Miami from Gainesville in 4.5 hours, don’t tell the troopers. Speaking of which, there was like …none. As the afternoon progressed you could see the traffic from I95 on the left through the trees and cops were all over them.

I put on Kelly Love Jones, Maroon 5, Jr. Gong Damion Marley and rode out. Do you have a Repeat Song? A song you just fuqcking love and it stays on repeat for like, hours, days, weeks? #11 on Kelly Love Jones new album, album cover by Allen Grimes, was my repeat song for my Florida turnpike drive. Hot shit.

I get to Miami, check into the Holiday Inn across the street from the U of Miami, get on line with the wireless, and sit by the pool. This is what the freak I’m talking about. After a few MyCrack hours and gmail, I find a place to eat, change into something sheer with flowers, a dress I found at Rag-O-Rama in little 5, ATL, for 3 dollars, killer heels, of course and head out to my first feature in Miami ….in 3 years! Admit-tingly, nervous, I was glad to run into ShadowKat the co-feature from Jersey. (Somehow the co-features this week were…featuring…lol…I don’t give a shit, I’m me-they’re them…but it was funny/interesting to see what they thought ‘co-featuring’ meant to them) He did a great job.

Tonight was Monday, Mellow Mondays, hosted by Ingrid B, normally. We don’t have the greatest history, to say the least, so she even opted not to host. Wild. I don’t stop doing me and you, YOU THE READER, better NEVER stop doing YOU no matter people do. You hear me???!! Good. Alexander Proctor hosted. We’re not the greatest with each other either. He did, though, give me a great introduction and kept it professional, that is all you can ask. No, I’m not going to give you dirt from 14 million life-times ago. Just know that shit happens in life, some you can fix, others…you…keep doing you. Live.Learn.Grow.Period.

The night went really well, it was star studded. Asia, Will da Real 1, Kaheej –a great story teller, and a few others. Passion Poet was there, she’ll be in Atlanta in June at the Apache show, and it was a beautiful Ethiopian restaurant. Thanks to Pierre for calling me back in December to book the show. I quickly remembered one of the reasons Miami is so great, they are supportive like hell and you don’t have to pull teeth for it. After my line for my albums died, I packed up and walked out. Hugged Pierre and gave a wave to Alexander. One of the poets asked what I was ‘doing after’ and where I was staying. I said “Chyyyyle, I am not here to ‘cause any noise this time, I am in and I am out after Wednesday. Never mind where I’m staying…waaaaayy…out (kinda true, Coral Gables) and I’m going watch TV in my room is what I’m ‘doing after’ ” gave a wink and smile and was out.

Not this time homies. I was determined. The next day, I caught up with some folks via phone and visits that I managed to keep as friends in Miami and they made me realize it’s not as bad as I thought. Who gives a fuck about the losers that hate on you anyway. “Thanks for thinking of me”. That’s all you should say.

We had lunch, I went to get a mani-pedi, fell asleep in the message chair, went for a walk, a swim, to the bank to deposit my donations to the album, and got ready for Miami night #2. If you have/have not ever been to Miami, no other city in Florida is like it. There is sex and party in the air. Any day of the week, you can smell it. Unlike New York where there is ‘trouble’ in the air and unlike Atlanta where you actually have to hunt it out, where it is kept a secret. In Miami it is blam! In your face! Any time of the year it is intoxicating and feels like summer, the excitement, the beaches, the bars….all of it. This trip, was the most “boring” Miami trip I’ve ever had. Lolol…probably for my own good. Lolololol…

Feature #2 was at Will da Real 1’s spot way the hell out. I had just had dinner with a friend at a Caribbean Café and was knocked out on one of the venue’s couches for like an hour before Will got started!lolo…all that laying around by the pool wore me out, lolol… It was also a good-bye party for a Soul Singer Mishell who moved to New York, I’m assuming after that week. She was angelic. When Will introduced her with that same word, I assumed he was being flirtatious, but, even if he was, he was right. I was captivated. Her voice is refreshing. Her energy is soft and unassuming. Beautiful. Again with the surprises. She was equally enthralled with my poems and wanted to trade albums. Duh, of course. She was my repeat song (#4) on my way back up the FL, turnpike Thursday back to Atlanta.

Wed- U of Miami Day. More of the pool. I didn’t do any shopping. There was a center close but Twisted Tongue is coming and I’m on a mission to raise this $50k of my own money, donations and grants, so no shopping. *sniff*. It’ll all be worth it. Man. I’d love to just mail the new album to you all, but that would be silly. I’m keeping the price at $10 and guess what you get? You won’t believe this shit. My new album will be a double disc again and the first disc will be 11 “songs” (poems…songs.. you know…) Remixing “It will pass” –featuring Julie Dexter (aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaghhhhhhhhhh!) and remixing “Somewhere in the darkness” –featuring Phillipia (aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa) and on the 2nd disc you’ll get the 3 music videos!!! (ahhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaag) come on!! You can’t beat that with a bat!

Ok, ok…back to the story. I had another co-feature at the U of Miami that, I guess, didn’t care that they were doing 30-40 minutes but there was like 50 minutes left in the night! Hahaha…again. I don’t give a shit. I’m me-they’re them. It all works out. It is just funny.

The students were amazing. I did a 2007 Ghetto version of one of my favorite parables in the Bible and they were on the floor rolling. Mouths open. That has been happening a lot lately, lolol…and a few poems, in the time I had left *eh,hm.clearing throat* and told them about the album and my Below the Radar campaign. Students lined up for the albums and DVDs I have and to donate, $1, $5, $20 to the campaign. Thank you U of Miami!

It is now 1030pm. I have two options. A-Go directly across the street and go to bed and become well rested for my again, supposed, 10-hour drive back to Atlanta to make it to 103.3 on Joyce Littel’s show to promote for Twisted Tongue or B-drive 70 miles North on I95 to West Palm Beach to perform at another Venue that will be closing in 45 minutes (the life…) that really wants me to come since I’m in town. Is there money involved you ask? I don’t know. I didn’t ask. Sometimes, just sometimes, people WANTING you around, is worth more than what they could ever give you.

What do you think I did? You got it.

I grab Corey, a student at U of M we shove everything into my CD case, wave by to everyone and run through the parking lot. We are I95 doing 100+. Lying via text messaging to the host about what exit we are on! Lolol…ok, it’s funny now. You know..I was really on exit 50, said I was on exit 62…that kind of thing. We needed to make it to exit 70 before midnight. We started BELOW exit 1.

We pull into the parking lot screeching tires, eject out of our seats and find a couple of exasperated patrons leaving, grumbling about work in the morning, as the promoters run after them explaining how much I am worth the couple of minutes of missed sleep.

The host introduces one person before me. This brother, literally, goes on for 5 real minutes about how he used to live in Norfolk, used to come to the poetry events, has 2 degrees, works hard, makes a lot of money, and I did a poem one time about 40 million years ago when he was there, a love poem at that, that pissed him off, and the line that got him to write the poem he was about to recite was “…dudes in blue suits bore me…” if you know what line that poem is too, you can get all 4 of my current albums mailed to you today! Leave a comment here and I’ll have them out to you ASAP! Shout outs to Trehmane, I’ll know you’ll get this.

He proceeded to do the poem and as he was walking off the stage came over and gave me a dap and a half hug. I didn’t really know if I was being dissed or …or…or…what…lolol…

The host called me up next. I did Domino Affect first and proceeded to start into that very poem he was talking about when I noticed him straighten out from his lean on the bar and walk out. I wanted to tell him that I, too, have two degrees, and make great money doing what I love. One does not discount the other. Oh, well. I did 3 more poems and left the stage to my 3rd standing O in Miami. It was good to be back.

Everything is divine. I also talk about that in my workshop. I teach that the universe ALWAYS works in your favor it is your charge to see it like that and work with it accordingly.

I ran into to Joshua and his wife. I haven’t seen them in 4 years! They said it was their first night back out in a couple of years. I guess, just like my blogs and journals, many more people read them, than leave comments. I read Joshua’s emails religiously, but never replied. There’s something about they mystery of the distance.

We hugged and talked and the entire venue took pictures, and more pictures, and pictures of pictures. It was wild. Sis, that brought me out, thanked me a thousand times and shoved a wad of money in my hand. Nope. I didn’t count it, it wouldn’t have meant anything. I added it to my donation to the campaign stack and continued selling albums.

I, also, for the second time that week met Kyrie (sp?) a flight attendant/singer/poet that lives in Germany and gets to Miami once a week to perform on her stay over. The life. She also made it to my Repeat Song rotation on my drive back in the morning.

The Reason for Below the Radar: The company that puts together my albums and all of my promotional materials is also based in Miami. Although we talk at least once a week, I haven’t laid eyes on them in 3 years either. I stopped by their soon to be old office and saw, immediately, why they are moving. When I met them, they were a small mom and pop company that burned CDs for artists, stickers, jewel cases, the whole nine…did some mastering for some lower budget albums, including my first 3, and some flyers.

Today…yeah. You name it. They do it. You can email them at print@hotflyers.com or give them a call at 786-229-6055 ask for Ms. Linda. Tell them I sent you, you’ll get a good rate on everything. I mean everything. They handle all my online orders, my T-shirts, stickers, buttons, flyers, posters and albums and now they are even doing books. They do DVDs, graphics, editing, …yeah. There was stuff everywhere. I took a tour of the office I used to remember being spacious, and bright with color. Today, orders, file cabinets, posters, flyers, and albums neatly packed and organized everywhere. They’ve never missed an order for me, including over seas.

Anyway, this part you’ll either love or hate: I do a lot of shows with artists that demand X amount of dollars. Let’s just say for the sake of the conversation we’ll say $1million J So, artists are requesting $1M but they show up with slim cases, stickers on their albums, or straight off the spindle, yes chyyyyle, off the damn spindle and then wonder why their albums aren’t working for them when they are not around. Someone said something to me in the beginning of this game. 10 years ago. Ainsely Burrows, actually. I started out with a complete Cd, then switched to slim cases because they were easier to carry on the road, he got one and when I saw him again, he said the album was fine but if I planned on being a contender and not just a player then I need to have my sights set way past today.

I never forgot that and put as much pride, time and investment into me as an artists AND the entire project, to include: dope graphics, posters, stickers, reminders, websites, so when I do demand a $1M for my performances I can stand on that with conviction.

Below the Radar: Too Good for Mainstream featuring The 5th album from Queen Sheba Domino Affect is a higher level understanding of this concept. Just once, just once, I’d like to tour, without the stress of worrying about wondering how many albums I have to sell to cover the bills for this month, or for tuition or for whatever the hell I want. Just once. And hopefully it will have a Domino Affect on the Spoken Word industry. I was making the mistake of sitting around waiting for someone else to do it, someone else to open the door. Then, I woke up. Why not me? Shoot, if it works great! If not…nothing beats a failure but a try.

This is the time we’ll demand, roach free, smoke free, drama free studio sessions, we’ll demand a sound check, tea and bottle waters without feeling like we are asking for too much, or like we are annoying the venue by asking for a table to sell our merchandise that feeds our families. We’ll be able to have a cab pick us up from the airport to our 3-4 star hotels, where we don’t have to wonder if they washed the sheets AND the comforter… just once…during the tour. Just once, I’ll be able to say to Kelly, or Tabi or Fisiwe, or Paul, “Hey, I have your plane tickets to LA, Chicago and London, we’re going to do a couple small venue shows, a couple hundred people, nothing super dome-ish or anything and fly back, comfortable.” Maybe not in first class but bumped up to business class. Just once.

That’s it. Not going to sell out on y’all or nothing. No bling, bling, I still get my hair cut by Biggs at the hood Barber Shop, clothes by Vintege Soul and food by Kroger and on a good week Whole Foods. Just want to be able to give the artists that took their time to drive 20 miles out of Atlanta on a sunny afternoon more than lunch for their time. Would like to be able to put comfortable stipends in their pocket for the album release party, hire a band…you know. Do it up, Under the Radar…just once. And the $50 is less about me than it is setting the standard for all of us. To say it’s OK to want more, expect more. It’s about living a better life.

Another thing in my workshop I teach is “Who said you should struggle?” Where does it say that? Show me where it says we should struggle and suffer. Yes, it does say do not live in access, but it does not say struggle and suffer. It says to feed those around you. That is what I want to do, feed us all. And if it has that Domino Affect that I’d like it to have, it can be done, a 2nd and third time, not just by me, but by other artists… and you!

My total Florida donations were over $450 in addition the enormous amount of albums that were purchased. Especially at The Stage in West Palm Beach, plan B.

You don’t want to miss this. Almost to the end: I leave Imagineer Studios and jump on the turnpike. 8 hours later I’m walking up the sidewalk on 17th and Peachtree in Atlanta to the 103.3 studio and Malik Saalam and Kimotion pull up off the road from Chicago and honk and wave. I could feel the scowl coming from the man walking his rat of a dog. 103.3 is at the front of a residential neighborhood. I looked up the man as I was passing him and gave a friendly “How ‘you doin’?” He didn’t say ‘fine’. He said “This is a residential neighborhood you know?” Because I’m a genius and the Queen of witty comebacks I said “Well, good thing we live here then,” still trying to be light and friendly. He didn’t stop there. “Well, you guys must be the reason the police are always over here.” Uh, yeah. I couldn’t help myself. I had a “boring” trip in Miami, I was cooped up in the car for 8 hours, I had to go to the bathroom…. “Naw, it’s probably because they noticed all the hash you and your wife were bringing in and out.”

I, of course think this is funny and share it with Malik and Kim as I meet them in the elevator. Needless to say, we parked on the street, where we always do when we come to the radio station.

We meet up with Tommy and Haziq who are already in the station with Joyce Littel and company. Haziq leaves shortly after we get there.

2 hours later, a little after midnight, the four of us walk out laughing and joking about all things, and notice my car with it’s front end in the air, a police officer standing by Tommy’s car and Malik takes off running towards his. The life. I can’t say we all drove off with our cars.

2 weeks later we are damn near at present. It’s Saturday March 17th. The night before I got a last minute show through Jessica Care Moore (It’s all about relationships, making, and maintaining them) to fly to Detroit, my first home town, to do a show at Mary Grove College.

Who told me I was cute? Fly even? It’s your fault! It’s your fault I got a cold. Yes! I had on stelletos in the snow. And?! J

I fly out to Detroit Friday morning. I feel the cold coming on from stress, late night promotions, ATL weather fluxuating and lack of rest. I dope up on my 2nd favorite drug, DayQuil. I get to the Ritz Carlton 5 star. The Life. Rest for about an hour. Wrap up, walk across the parking lot to the mall for a pedi/mani, buy my love some Pumas and lunch. Call my mother that I haven’t seen or talked to in years, so long, I realized she didn’t even know I moved to Atlanta and told her where I’d be tonight at Mary Grove. She didn’t show up. Get to the show. Another case of co-features turned features. Again, I don’t what? Because I’m who and they are who? When I say that, the point is, you can’t control other people, only yourself, so just do you, no matter what anyone else does. Right or wrong.

Toss and turn, after getting in bed about 1am, anticipating the alarm, Twisted Tongue is in less than 24 hours and I have a million things to do when I get back to Atlanta. Get to the Detroit airport at 630am and it had snowed in the 5 hours I was asleep. They were talking delays and de-icing the plane. I CANNOT MISS TWISTED TONGUE!!

I send up a prayer and good vibes. I’m back in Atlanta, less than 2 hours later. I take a power nap while my wonderful love prints, files, staples, organizes and answers the phone for me. I get up, drug up. Call Sarah my friend and herbalist. Get to Sugar Hill and delegate duties while directing poets, the food, the art, the models, the poets, the late poets, the later poets, the volunteers, and the venue owners and managers about how the night should look and feel. Richard Dunn was wonderful and cautious. He had no idea. He had no idea about the promotions power, just off the streets and rep and credibility and years of event planning and love in the community that we had. He wouldn’t let me move the furniture. Hahaha. I was stir crazy but as I said, everything is divine. Richard argues calmly and states his points with conviction. Still skeptical. I tried to reassure him it was going to be fly-er than he could imagine. He shook his head and arranged chairs.

Then the Dj stand, then the DJ…more poets, Julie’s sound check, then early birds. God, was it 7:45 already? Make up, heels, Mohawk, jewelry, bangles, extra dresses on a hanger, what???!! Tommy has a new shirt??? Get out!! People are lining up at the door. Directions to the poets, where are all the poets? Sarah gives me Emergency, and two glasses of Henessey. What cold? I need a time keeper! Ok, phew…Queen- that’s right she’s the time keeper. BET is here now. Red Bull, check.

People are piling in now. We take the stage at 9:20. Ok, we got to work on that 9 O’clock thing.

The balcony is full and there is no more room downstairs.

Julie Dexter kills it.
Round I – crazy. Tommy and I are hosting our asses off. We are funny and the crowd is in a great mood, energy is high and the poets are kicking ass!
Round II – crazy-er. The Fire Marshall comes in to tell us there are too many people in the club.
We appease him. I switch dresses a couple of times and get lovely messages on the score boards from the young men in the front row. I’ll never lie and say I don’t love the stage. Truly love it.
Haziq strolls in, I’m fuming and trying to ignore him giving directions when the show is 45 minutes from being over. I love my two home-bois, I swear.
Round III – More dresses, more jokes, more kick ass poets, icing on the cake.

Congrats to our Round II Winner Ali The Greatest from Black on Black Rhyme Tallahassee, Fl.

3 AM, there are like 30 people left in Sugar Hill, a few St. Black-tricks Day stragglers. I’m doing the accounting, the people have all cleared the Green Room so the temperature drops back to freezing. My cold returns.

We leave, I take a poet to his hotel room way out on Jimmy Carter and my love is drunk. Driving in circles on 285, lost in our own city. I beat my love home and wait naked and clean.

Sunday. I don’t wake up until 5pm. I clean my room and went back to sleep. Woke up at 11pm and watched The Departed. I rose from the dead on Monday.

If you miss Twisted Tongue in July or September or Akoben in October. You’re trippin’. Ask ANYONE that has been at our last two slams.

Ok, this was a little longer that anticipated. It was a good read though. It felt good to write it.

-Sheba, baby.

Current Location: By the window....

Current Mood: creative

Current Music: the humm of the computer

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Feb. 19th, 2007

Jan. 21st, 2007

02:23 pm - Question of the week: Should a Woman's Sexual Past Matter?

Question of the Week!
Please read below and send us your answers on myspace or livejournal!

We haven’t had a Question of the Week in a while and this is a good one: Last week some old and new friends of mine taped a Pilot for a new TV show coming out on Robert Townsend’s TV Station The Black Family Channel called: Man Talk 4 Women. The concept for the unique talk show allows brothers to discuss issues, they normally would keep in the locker rooms or the barber shop, in a forum where ladies are able to chime in their opinions about how they handle some issues. It may sound like a typical beginning talk show, well, it’s not. The concept is actually fresh. It’s like women eavesdropping.

I remember I went to a TD Jakes “Men Conference” at Old Dominion Universities Convention Center a few years back and TD Jakes said that we, women, were allowed to eavesdrop because we needed to hear what the men would say without inhibition. This is what this show is like.

One of the topics, is not unfamiliar to the talk show world, so I’m not giving away any of the secrets, was “Should a woman’s past matter?” The men gave a variety of answers and the women, of course, had something to say. You’ll have to tune in this fall to the BFC to find out what they said but I want to know what YOU think.

Losing your virginity in high school, in my day, I heard, was ‘late’. “Most kids” were “already doing it” by the time they reached sophomore year. I remember having sex …discussions with my peers in the 8th grade, we’re talking ’88 (8th grade) and some of those young girls telling me that I was “whack” for still being a virgin and they had already been with multiple partners. Well, I was “Whack” for a couple more years. I let peer pressure get to me around my sophomore year and my “girls” (funny how they are your girls and you have no idea where they are now) decided to keep a list of who we were intimate with, incase that terrible AIDS thing caught up to us, we would contact the brothers on our list and let them know…for their safety.

Some of my “girls” lists reached over 30 + partners by the time we left high school. Me? Well, a lady never tells….  I lost my list between all of my moves during high school, running away and changing states. I’ve been tested for AIDS/HIV several times and I have no need to contact anyone.

Dating these days, that question doesn’t really come up; Your past, that is. What comes up these days is how many people are you “with” now? Which would imply that most people are intimately involved with more than one person. I have heard of serial monogamy also.

That is that as soon as you are “done” with one person you quickly move on to someone else but not necessarily overlapping bed sheets. That doesn’t always prove to be the safest route either when most people think it is, since it is not multiple partners at one time.

Way, way, way back…before any of us were thought of, on the night of the wedding it was tradition to hang the sheet of you and your wife/husband in the window the following morning so everyone could see that you/your wife was, indeed a virgin. Proof of purity.

Can you really change? If you were once promiscuous, will you always be? Will you always be that hunter? Trying to fill a void. Whatever void, be it natural sexual instincts or lust or insecurities.

The real question is: when you finally find that one you want to settle down with should your/their past matter? What if you were married for, say…8 years…a good amount of time and you found that high school list, and it wasn’t a number you would “agree” that a woman should have. What do you do then? What do you do as a woman when your man finds out?

Lets be honest, we are talking about a woman’s past. YES! YES! I know it is a double standard and that is a whole different conversation but for now, for the sake of THIS conversation; What do you do when your women’s past is revealed? Women, what do you do?

I’d love to hear from you!!

Current Location: At the crib in my pajamas

Current Mood: optimistic

Current Music: I'm Home

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Dec. 12th, 2006

Dec. 6th, 2006

07:30 pm - Campaign for Lil Wayne's Heart! - Settle down or up!

…So Rubberband Bank has motivated me to get money and Lil’ Wayne’s Carter 2 has motivated me to keep pushing. I mean, different level maybe but same game. I wonder, every now and then, what their love lives are like. I mean, could these rappers really be that cold and heartless and dispose of women like old underwear, tennis shoes worn twice, or bootleg CDs after the first 5 listens? I wonder if they get that kind of lonely they are too embarrassed to talk about, to ashamed to discuss with the rest of their pseudo hard core crew.

Some hip hop artist a while ago, did a song, a one hit wonder about artists confessing on tape and the more I listen to what we call hip hop these days, I wonder if these young men might not need serious therapy. I’m sure we could all take a few trips to the shrink without too much trouble, but I worry about Lil’ Wayne and Young Geezy. I mean, I am truly concerned that they won’t find true love. Heaven’s knows, I am not the one for them but I would love to find out what would really make them happy and sign them up for E Harmony or Match . com or something. Wouldn’t that be funny? What would their psychological profile read like?:

Favorite pass times: What we doin’? gettin’ money! And having sex with multiple women that really mean nothing to me at all
Hobbies: racing on my chrome 700
Income bracket: Dunno…I let it rain on ‘em, so I lose count.
A typical night out would be: flippin’ them chickens

This is where I get confused. Chickens, a couple of years ago, were women. Now, if I am not mistaken, they are some sort of drug package? I apologize my drug dealing vocabulary is a little limited …

There needs to be a ebonics dictionary with a special edition for the south. We, yes, we, have our own language and even the south language is different depending on what part of the south you are from. Norfolk southern language is way different than that of the Carolinas and definitely different from Atlanta. I have learned this language and you can actually speak around folk that are not familiar with this language and they will completely miss the entire conversation. Try it!

Since I’ve been in Atlanta, I’ve seen a few celebrities at the local open mics, showcases, including Djangos. Due to our star studded staff we get a few heads in there and I even gave my latest album to some one from some rap group that I totally forgot and I told him if I hear my lyrics in his next hit…I was gunna …I didn’t really know, except to sue and that would mean I’d have to keep my PrePaid Legal membership up to date.lmao. He thought the PrePaid Legal part was funny. I told him don’t trip! You too could be a manager by the end of the week! Lol!

Anyway, I’m concerned about the love lives of these mega stars because it reflects in their work. They seem so angry, so tense. Even when they are talking about sex it’s always so violent. I’m not saying a good throwing against the wall isn’t cool every now and then but …geez…every song “Smack ‘dat” all on the floor? And it gotta be public humiliation? Can get a private beat down at least?

Phew…I think we are all in trouble and no, this is not a plea to change hip hop, it is going through a cycle right now. All artists have their responsibilities and you just do yours and I’ll do mine and it will come back around I promise.

This is a plea to get some love to these tweeked out rappers, that openly admit to doing all sorts of drugs to get them that high they can’t seem to get any where else because they are just really filling life long voids. I know all about voids. I try to shop my voids away and it doesn’t really help. So lets hook up Jill Scott, who’s going through a divorce right now with like… The Bird Man, India Irie with like… The Snow Man (this is funny) and as I said previously, I’ll take David Banner. Put Joi with TI and ….what??? You don’t think this cross culture- lets fuse anger and peace will work? I think it’s genius!

We have ‘Coochie Magic’ as Christa Bell as so eloquently patented. And it seems that the Magic is keeping it away from men as long as possible, until their training period is over! Hah, then when you release all the ‘magic’ on them, they are so open by then, Lil’ Wayne will be writing love ballads. Hah…he’s a little nasel-ly for the singing of love ballads but he could get his new bird to sing for him.

I have been through 15 gazzillion terrible relationships and I was talking to my home-gurl the other day about settling. If you are with someone that loves you more than you love them and they are wonderful and brilliant and giving and dynamic…is it really settling? I mean is it really settling “down” if you go from bullshit to brilliance? That would be settling “Up” don’t you think? (Of course this is an idea for a poem, steal it and I’ll kill you *smile* )

So…Question of the week is: “Is it really settling DOWN if you are with someone that loves you more than you love them if they are good for you? If you are used to terrible-ness (yes, terrible-ness) and you “settle” for someone that adores you but you are just not really all there…wouldn’t that still be improving?”

You let me know. I look forward to your answers!

Lil’ Wayne! We are going to save your heart yet homey!

Love Sheba – new album coming Spring/Summer –whenever I get around to it ‘07

Current Location: 2nd home...

Current Mood: recumbent

Current Music: Carter 2 Lil Wayne

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Sep. 12th, 2006

01:14 pm - Dear Complacent; Don't forget to dream

How in-THE-HELL-do you:

Apply for a job you already have
Get fired
Demoted
Docked pay
Rehired for the same position
And given a raise

All in 24 hours?

Corporate America that is how. Home Depot is a trip. And, I thank Goddess for reminding me that I should not become complacent. I was really enjoying working there.
Then, we had to go through the rigamaroll of that chaos last week and it really really really reminded me why Black people need our own…everything.

I even went to Banana Republic and bought, what I consider to be ‘expensive’ because I don’t have the funds to waste on shit I’ll probably never wear again…oh…wait hahah..that is like every weekend! Ok, ok…so I never took in consideration a suit budget. But I even bought a suit AAAAND one of those casual sweater with a button down shirt outfits for the follow up! I EVEN TOOK OUT MY NOSE RING! –although I had been wearing it since I was hired, but I thought I’d go the extra mile-Uhg!

Do you know what the feedback was?? Why I didn’t get my same job back that I was applying for? “…Sheba the majority (this was a panel interview) of the panelists just felt like you were too militant…you would walk to the beat of your own drum and wouldn’t really mesh well with the other personalities…” my response was “Heaven forbid I think for myself!” and yes, I rolled my eyes while I said it. And yes, I understand THAT wasn’t very professional but we all fall short sometimes. I had did their song and dance all summer, sucked it up when I knew that they were dicking us around, smiled when they all should have been put in a headlock.

Keep in mind this a temp agency and we work FOR the Home Depot. They, THD, just laid off 300 people from the Corporate Office, where I work, and then when they demoted me told me that they were ‘giving me’ a position that they had just fired someone for…of course for $2.00 an hour less than what I was making and $2.5 less than the starting salary for that position!!

Hhaha…they got me phuqhed up! I said, (this was Thursday) “I would like to take the day off and not come in tomorrow” They said “Sheba, there will be OTHER opportunities and when this supervisor position comes up again…” interrupting I said, “Oh, I apologize, I wasn’t asking…I AM taking the day off and I WON’T be in tomorrow…call me when the training for the new job starts” After picking up their jaws and telling me that wasn’t going to fly…I left.

The funny thing is, I really enjoy working there. Enjoy is in the present tense because guess what happened next?

Before I tell you that, I do want to say that, and I have said this before, there is nothing wrong with working, working a job that is beneficial to you, and it must be to your benefit first. I have been doing poetry so long that I care way to much about people and things that could give a shit about me and it is proven over and over buuuttt…that is my nature and it won’t really change. So, when I first starting working at THD this past June, it was just a gig, my hustle. I told people, who asked why I was working, that Poetry is my career and THD is my hustle. You have to KNOW what you are doing and stay focused. You can’t lose sight of the goal and always keep it in the forefront of your mind, because the money will look nice, the benefits are cool…I haven’t had benefits in a million years, the flexibility of me being a supervisor was working with my poetry schedule and I don’t think the world has missed a beat with me but…this past week gave me the slap in the face I needed. I was started to say things like “yeah, next year when…” and I would have to shake myself awake. I had to remember that this is a temp agency and as long as I bow out gracefully, I can be reassigned or brought back.

What was I holding on to? I know what…someone else’s ideal of me. And I had to let that go. I have to remember the balance. This has got to work for the good of the movement, I need to infiltrate on their ideas, learn how they think without getting sucked in. Take their ideas and come back to the village. Stack and save. Use their resources for our gain. Don’t forget the people at the bottom bring up the strong ones for leadership and train the weak ones. Get people in place for administrative take overs, I.T. manipulation, this is what I have to remember every day.

Friday, I forgot I promised one of the other supervisors I would close for her so she could make an appointment. So I came in Friday…at 3. By 3:15 my supervisor was at my desk, (as I was cleaning it out, I decided to accept the position they created because a little money for the revolution is better than no money. Where would we get our supplies? What kind of leader would I be in the working world for all other artists that have to swallow their pride until the jump off…I have to remain the positive example…just don’t forget ‘why’ you are here) giving me a pound for coming to work. He said, “It’s not how you act when you get the job, Sheba, it’s how you act when you don’t.” I nodded, ‘cause I was on the phone working on Akoben and waived him off like it was some top secret HD business I was conducting.

By 3:30 he’s running, literally running back to my desk, wizzing through cubes dodging chairs and ends up back in front of my desk rushing me to the conference room from whence he came. The entire upper management team was in there and one of the other sups that had made the survivor cut.

Now they need a midnight supervisor. Bob Nardelli, the CEO of THD thought that our call center, Customer Complaints/Care was ALREADY open 24 hours. So, in a panic, the upper management team had to put together a night team of associates and guess what they needed??? You got it! Two supervisors! Hahah…I love it! I told them I had to be off on Mondays for…none of their business…

And I have already decided that this is going to work out beautifully. They are responsible for teaching me that you have to look out for you FIRST and phuque what everyone else thinks because guess what?? NOBODY CARES!! Hahahah…Well, you know what I mean. If you don’t look out for you, no one will respect it. So, I’ve already decided my days off and if they decide to release me in the interim, ashe.

Do what you need to do, don’t forget your dreams. If you are working somewhere right now it’s just a pit stop, don’t forget to save and don’t forget to network! People that you work with will always be useful to you. Be careful but be brave!

AND DON’T, please by God, DON’T be afraid to leave when you get the sign that it is clearly time to go! Beit your business is about to open and you’re not sure how it is going to go, you are touring artist and you are not sure how it is going to go…one thing is for sure, you will never know if you don’t leave!

UHURU!

QueenMFSheba

Current Location: Home Office

Current Mood: awake

Current Music: Lyfe Jennings

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